The therapist can bring clarity to murky communications by helping to reveal the hidden meaning behind the angry words. When the individual feels heard and understood their defenses go down and they can take in new information. You are no longer reacting emotionally but rather have control over your own thoughts and feelings and can act individually to better your life as a couple.

People often consider going to couples therapy—but they’re often caught up in the skepticism of couples therapy working for them before they make it into a session.

Every relationship—romantic, friendly, or familial—has its highs and lows. Feelings of frustrations and hurt from the problems in the relationship can impact your life outside of the relationship. If you’re experiencing these troubles, you might find yourself spending a lot of time worrying about the relationship, wondering how things will get better, or if things will ever get better. It is in these moments of doubt that couples seek support outside of their relationship.

Couples therapy is only effective when both members of the couple are essentially motivated by love, and the desire to do better. Each member of the couple must become committed to being constructive in every session.

Meanwhile, the therapist is dedicated to helping each member of the couple understand their own contribution to the relationship’s problems. It takes two to tango, so why wouldn’t both of your actions have an impact on your relationship? Although the therapist is impartial, she will take the courageous step of pointing out the problematic behaviors of each person, so together they can change for the better. The counselor is on everybody’s side.

The couple’s main responsibility is to be reflective. It is common for each member to put the blame onto their partner. Although defensiveness is a natural response, each partner must be open to looking within to make changes in themselves. The key to success in couples therapy is the willingness to change for the better.

Sometimes, one partner will withhold affection after an argument as punishment (which includes the infamous silent treatment). While everyone has their way of reacting to a heated argument, when one person starts acting like a punisher, there is an imbalance in the relationship. If your partner begins to resemble an antagonist, it is important to remember that you two should be on the same team. When it begins to feel as if you aren’t on the same side, it’s time to get help.

It’s not uncommon for sex to become less frequent when you’ve been together for quite some time. But significant changes in your sex life can suggest that something is not right. (This also includes an increase in sex, which is usually a sign that one partner is trying to compensate for something they feel is wrong.) Fantasizing about having an affair suggests that your desires do not align with what you have. You’ll want to seek therapy before anything happens, even if counseling helps you and your partner conclude that it is best to move on.

If your relationship isn’t the fairytale you hoped it would be, there is no reason to believe that the end of it is near. Relationships are a process. Even the most loving relationships need work. But like most things in life, timing is everything. The longer you and your partner take to decide to seek help, the more problems there are to work through during counseling. Many problems couples face stem from life stresses that occur outside of the relationship—new jobs, long-term investments like buying a house—but you won’t know until you go to counseling. A relationship therapist Encino can help restore your relationship to the happy union it once was.